Ace's World, pt. 2

One of the potential consequenses of the theme may be that Jex ends up spending more time here than in Politics!

1028. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:13:20 AM

A guy named Marjorie wants to lecture about manliness.

Okay. How's this? My new chariot:



To meet new thread guidelines and avoid deletion, please change "a guy" to "an asshole" in statement above. Note that I have also deliberately pixelated the graphic, which ought to count for something.

1030. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 11:15:24 AM

For those ridiculously snobby people:

Yes, tonight I'm beginning dinner with a delightful appetizer. BVLUGA caviar, selection of dry red and white wines, and a variety of peppers (Madagascarian olives stuffed with fresh garlic cloves from Italy) accompanied on crushed wheat crackers flown in last night from Israel. Next we will have a small salad made entirely of baby spinach, hand plucked after growing in a pollution-free hydroponics lab nearby. Dressing will be a homemade bacon ceasar complete with one whole egg from an organically fed hand raised chicken that lives with us. The main course is breast of the rare Indonesian Imichi bird, lightly seared in a mild curry and peppercorn, garnished with laser-cut carrots and radishes and one perfect dollop of a white cream sauce. Fresh cream sauce, mind you. Each breast will also have one New England potato (from New England, I'm sure!) lightly cooked in Swiss butter and Mexican chives.

For dessert, I have prepared two selections. One a chocolat et chocolat crepe. The crepe itself is a light yet amusing creation of west Indian cocoa and hazelnut. The freshly whipped chocolat on the inside is from double creamed reduced Belgian chocolate that I have whipped into a gloriously light mousse.

For those with more barbaric tastes, I have prepared a key lime pie made only from Floridian limes.

Both served with a variation of coffees from Greece, Albania, and Italy.

The after-dinner wine is from my Clos Rene collection, this one 1990, and a supple red one it is!

1031. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:15:56 AM

Official spam site:

1032. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 11:16:11 AM

Someone masquerading as a movie character cannot read, and therefore adds an e to my stolid clan moniker.

1033. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 11:17:23 AM

Is Marjori an assassin? He has zero charisma.

1034. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 11:18:07 AM

The main item on the menu at Jenerator's house is always tart.

1035. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 11:18:56 AM

These days I feed upon love-slaves. You wouldn't understand.

1036. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:21:50 AM

Banks is a first-level cab driver. Or so I've been told.

Beware his ability to get you confused on the way to the airport, leaving you dazed and distracted while his meter of ever-increasing fares drains your purse into his.

1037. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 11:24:32 AM

Jones,

I prefer to get paid upfront . So does Jenerator.

1038. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:27:21 AM

Varlet, you'll not insult yon fair maiden unchallenged.

It's go time!

1040. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:27:42 AM

Varlet, you'll not insult yon fair maiden unchallenged.

It's go time!

1041. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:27:51 AM

Varlet, you'll not insult yon fair maiden unchallenged.

It's go time!

1042. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:27:59 AM

Varlet, you'll not insult yon fair maiden unchallenged.

It's go time!

1043. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 11:28:51 AM

Obviously, go time refers to uncontrolled diarrhea.

1044. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:29:11 AM

Host(s): Can you delete one of the four posts I just made?

Thanks in advance.

1045. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 11:30:13 AM

THE TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR ZIPPER IS UNZIPPED

10) The cucumber has left the salad.
9) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend his bells.
8) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
7) Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
6) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
5) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) Men may be From Mars, .... but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.
1) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

1046. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 11:30:44 AM

IJ - No.

1047. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:31:08 AM

Haha.

1048. Cellar Door - 4/4/2001 11:31:24 AM

And then there's Joe PANToliano.

1049. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 11:33:21 AM

> -----Original Message-----
> When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life,
> the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner
> party in his honor.
>
> At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with
> Madame deGaulle.
>
> "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such
> a presence on the French and International scene for so many
> years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What
> are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
>
> "A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
>
> A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...
> and no one knew what to say next.
>
> Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said,
> "Mon cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness
>

1050. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 11:34:17 AM

Put that in your Joe Pantoliono Cellar!

Poopstain!!!!!

1051. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 11:38:34 AM

In the mid 60's a U.S. Navy cruiser put in to port in Houston for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little
surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy oil well owner:

Dear Captain,
Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No Jews--We don't like Jews.

Sure enough, at 8 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling
BLACK officers. Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake."

"Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes."

Sounds like da Moron's family doesn't it?

MAMA'S POOPSTAIN!

1052. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:40:12 AM

Now we're cookin' with gasoline.

1053. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 11:40:36 AM

Interesting article from India's The Telegraph:

"New Delhi, April 3: 
The capital got a taste of Calcutta's fury as mobs roamed the streets torching and damaging the few buses that had the permission to ply.

Their patience running thin after two days of struggle, thousands of commuters joined the backlash which, officials suspected, was engineered by transporters barred from running their pollution-belching buses for not complying with the Supreme Court order on using environment-friendly fuel instead of diesel.

A 2,000-strong mob set on fire five buses in Badarpur, on Delhi's southern fringes. Nearly 40 vehicles were damaged as people pelted them with stones. Police had to fire in the air to disperse the crowd.

Among the 47 people arrested from Badarpur, 16 are conductors, helpers or drivers of blue line buses which have been impounded for not meeting the court's guidelines.

Elsewhere in the city which is not known to express itself in unison, irate crowds, tired after waiting for hours at bus stops, deflated tyres and blocked vehicles from moving.

Police tried to calm the frenzied mob. "We are here not to fight a battle with the public, instead we are here to help them," said Suresh Roy, joint commissioner of police. "We are asking the people to abide by the law and not to take things in their hands," he appealed. At least 13 policemen were injured in the violence."

1054. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:42:00 AM

Dade County +253

Fentress County +22

Boone County -17

Chicago Sun Times +48

Rosie doesn't want to talk about it but that means Resident Moron lost Florida by 5,000 votes

Hear that, Rosie?

1055. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:42:21 AM

Toys

1056. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:42:37 AM

Toys, shit

1057. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:42:55 AM

Toys, dammit.

1058. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:43:12 AM

For the love of heaven, toys!

1059. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:43:40 AM

Somebody help me out here.

1060. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 11:44:13 AM

Sure, stand in the doorway.

1061. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 11:44:25 AM

go time, eh?

1062. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 11:49:58 AM

Banks is just itching for a skull-fucking.

Gallup news is Poopstain's tax policy going down the crapper!

ASED ON -- 548 -- WHO APPROVE OF BUSH; ±5 PCT. PTS.


2001 Mar
26-28


Specific Policies
16
Agree with his tax plan
8
Agree with his policies in general
4

1063. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 11:59:38 AM

Jones,

After reviewing the available evidence, it is clear to one and all that your skull is already fucked.

Now go play with the little girlies, this place is for the big boys.

1064. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 12:01:01 PM

Unless you're going to post some more chick pictures. And if you are, I'd like to request some more exotic ones than the ones you've been coming up with so far.

1065. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 12:02:22 PM

IJ - You idiotic dishonest lying bastard. All you socialist liberal crypto-fascists make shit like this up all the time in hopes that some of it will stick. Well it won't work. Go back to Indiana you fucking commie.

1066. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 12:10:34 PM

13795. concerned - 4/4/01 5:42:33 AM

Jexster - read this and cry your tiny little eyeballs out.

From the NYT:


An Analysis of Florida Balloting Favors Bush

MIAMI, April 3 (AP) - A newspaper review of Florida's "undervote" ballots concludes that President Bush would almost certainly have still won the state had the United States Supreme Court allowed a hand recount to be completed.

The Miami Herald and USA Today reported in Wednesday's papers that Mr. Bush would have expanded his 537-vote margin of victory to 1,665 votes if the recount ordered by the Florida Supreme Court had gone ahead under the most inclusive standards, where even partial punches and dimples were counted as votes.

When the process was stopped, recounts using a variety of standards had already had been completed in seven counties - Broward, Escambia, Hamilton, Madison, Manatee, Palm Beach and Volusia -- and in 139 Miami-Dade County precincts.

Mr. Bush's 1,665 margin was based on the assumption that those numbers would stand, but that in all the rest of the state the most generous standards would be applied.

1067. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 12:15:08 PM

So you want to play, hunh?

Banks' "exotic" girlfriend:

1068. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 12:21:04 PM

My exotic girlfriend:

1069. bubbaette - 4/4/2001 12:23:00 PM

IJ

Your girlfriend looks like a blank to me.

1070. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 12:24:03 PM

Hey Indy,

Check out this picture of Marjori, what a total geek he is! But didn't we already know that?

Marjori at his day job.

1071. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 12:26:46 PM

You need to put one of those warning signs like JF does on links like that, Jen.

Yecchhhh.

1072. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 12:28:07 PM

bubba: You mean the image doesn't show up? You must be filtered or sumthin'.

1074. bubbaette - 4/4/2001 12:31:57 PM

A study by Lifestyles Condom Co. shows that the average length of a male sex organ is 5.877 inches - which might comfort men who previously thought they were less than average.
"The Kinsey Sex Report and other penis size surveys have indicated that the length of the penis is 6.2 to 6.4 inches," says Simon Joseph, a spokesman for Lifestyles. "Our results show that about three-quarters of men fall under the average quoted by Kinsey."

"A half-inch or less might not have anything to do with how you perform sexually, but it might make a difference in how you feel about yourself."

According to the survey, about two-thirds of the 300 college-aged men ranged from between 5.1 and 6.2 inches.


For those of you who don't like to deal in raw numbers, at 5.877 inches, the average penis is about the size of a Nestle Butterfinger candy bar (unwrapped) or a grande (medium) cup of coffee at Starbucks (with the sip lid). Most men vary in size between a Twix bar and a Peter Paul Mounds (with the wrapper extended).

When Alfred Kinsey did his groundbreaking research in the mid-1940s, researchers simply gave men stamped postcards. Each one simply held a postcard against his erect penis, marked how long it was, and slipped the results in the mail.

"They never had to hold a ruler against themselves," says Kinsey spokesman Jennifer Bass.

Measuring an erect penis is no easy matter. Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, and various urology groups have been satisfied with either letting the men do it themselves or with surveys of a few dozen volunteers.

1075. bubbaette - 4/4/2001 12:33:02 PM

But condom companies need more accurate measurements for the best-fitting products - even if sex experts assure us that size doesn't matter. Lifestyles says it did the largest and most accurate measure of penis size ever just three weeks ago. Company representatives went to Cancun, Mexico, at the heart of spring break, hoping to get 1,000 guys to drop their trousers, get aroused, and let a team of nurses measure them individually.

The guys got to go into a private tent outside Daddy Rock nightclub, where they found girlie magazines and other items to put them in the mood. Then came the doctor and two nurses. Each penis was measured by two of the four nurses.

"It was a highly professional operation," said Dr. Francisco Ordonez, who supervised the research. "The nurses wore disposable latex gloves and the men were all good-humored and well-behaved."

It's amazing what some college guys on spring break will do for some free T-shirts, condoms and other prizes. The researchers thought holding the testing in such an environment, where guys tended to cluster in bunches, would help get true variety.

"In other tests, guys responded individually, and perhaps only guys who were proud of their penis size would respond," says Joseph. "In this test, we thought peer pressure would help coax guys who wouldn't ordinarily do such a thing into doing it."

Still, when it came time for measuring, about 25 percent of the guys weren't up to the job and had to face a little humiliation in the name of science.

Ordonez and his team had to be satisfied with 300 respondents. That's far fewer than they hoped for. But it's nearly twice as many as a similar study in Brazil last year, which had similar results.

1076. bubbaette - 4/4/2001 12:33:37 PM

The Importance of Girth

"It's absolutely important that we have the best information to make the best-fitting condom," said Carol Carrozza, Lifestyle's vice president of marketing. "If a condom is too tight, it constricts circulation. It's uncomfortable, and it reduces sensitivity. If it's too loose, that's dangerous."


Carrozza says the circumference of the penis - otherwise referred to as girth - is often more important than length when new condom sizes are considered. "Because of the way condoms unroll, it's really not the case that they are not long enough."

According to the study, the average erect penis had a girth of 4.972 inches. About 75 percent of men were between 4.5 and 5.5 inches.

"We already have a larger condom," says Carrozza. "What our research shows is that 17 percent of erections measured under 4.5 inches, and there might be a market for that."

Of course, once again, the frail male ego comes into play, and while condoms come in large, studded, ribbed and flavored varieties, you don't see small or petite or narrow models. We'll just have to see what kind of circumlocution the marketing folks come up with.

(Thanks to a link from cllrdr)

1077. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:33:46 PM

The trend is moving in my direction.

Woo hoo!


(poopstain!)

1078. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 12:38:23 PM

Our results show that about three-quarters of men fall under the average quoted by Kinsey."

Oh my God! We really are losing our manhood! The fucking conservatives are right!

1079. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:39:16 PM

Updated Florida Recount Totals:

Beaver Univerity Standard-Telegraph Editorialist's Estimate of Palm Beach Posts' selective recount of Escobeda County: +343

Six ballots I found in my sock-drawer: +6

Ms. Ira Horowitz' ballot (never sent but fully filled out, honestly): +1

Absentee ballots from Ernst Stavro Blofeld's & Emilio Largo's cavern-rock-and-steel secret headquarters in the Keys: MINUS 88 (ex-military guys and fascists, therefore Bush voters)

"Rico" Tubbs from Miami Vice: +1

1080. bubbaette - 4/4/2001 12:42:38 PM

As part of national Public Service Recognition Week, the Virginia Chapter of the American Society for Public Administration will be sponsoring a panel discussion on "Motivating the Public Service Workforce" on May 9th at noon in the General Assembly Building, conference room 5E. Please mark your calendars!

1081. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 12:43:51 PM

Four anti-Castro Cuban terrorists who have been hiding out in a bodega basement since the shit went down at the Bay of Pigs: +1 Bush

Doris Duke's cat (allowed to vote under the terms of Doris Duke's will): +1 Gore

88 untabulated children's ballots from the Weekly Reader survey: +27 Gore

1083. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 1:10:10 PM

I'm sorry Cellar, your post violated the parameters of this thread. Please go back and cut and paste the item in question.

1084. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 1:23:44 PM

giant timber bamboo - bambusa oldhamii -
grows 18 feet in a season - 3 inches thich -

before you go to work look at the height, and when you come back home you can notice the growth. costs $90-$190 a gallon and must be specially ordered.

punting pole bamboo - bambusa tuldoidesi -

grows as large as giant timber bamboo but its not as thick, but its leafier

bambusa glaucescens - also can be used as a hedge - a big weed like the other tow

dont let bamboo dry out in 1st summer planting. you can tell because the leaves roll up like cigarette papers and become very narrow

1085. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 1:39:44 PM

Oooh, now that's a nice post. Good plants bamboo. You know the Bambusa glaucescens is great for using to surround your Sensimilla patch. Man, like the bamboo totally hides the Sens for sight man, and you can like use the leaves as rolling papers and toke up right next to the plant. Too freakin' cool.

1086. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 1:41:38 PM

Like, did you notice that the name of the bamboo has glaucoman virtually in the species name! Too freakin' coincidental what with weed being a sovereign remedy for glaucoma! Toke on dudes and dudettes!

1087. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 1:54:26 PM

Jen: Hope for Banks yet

1088. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 2:26:49 PM

It makes perfect sense.




(No wonder he's a poor, poor cab-driver...)

1089. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 2:50:36 PM

That article helps to explain the impact I have on women; I sweat profusely and am darkly attractive, and I mean, if sweat can help people as unattractive as the Major imagine its impact when coupled with someone, such as myself, who is already eye candy.

1090. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 2:56:45 PM

Heads up on tomorows theme:

In honor of my current residence in a hotel in Dublin, tomorows theme will be A Gift of for the Blarney. Posters are invited to post tall stories, without stating if the story is true or not, and we will vote on whether or not we believe the story to be true or made up. Person to fool the most people wins the burden of...I mean the right to pick the next days theme. So start thinking about fantastic incidents in your life, true or imagined.

I realize that this theme overlaps with both the Literature, Theirs, Ours, Aliens, Whatever and the Quiz threads, but fuck 'em.

1091. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 2:59:47 PM

I like yer attitude, smelly boy!

1093. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 3:10:31 PM

Here's a tall tale:

I had a good thread, and then I invited Rainman the GURPS-monkey to cohost, and now it's all gone to hell in a handbasket in a matter of twelve hours.

1094. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 3:15:23 PM

Get over it dog lover. Stop insulting me or I'll take your name off the fucking thread and delete every fucking one of your stupid ass posts. Capiche?

1095. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 3:16:16 PM

Oooooooooooh Fight! Fight! Fight!

1096. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 3:16:56 PM

Here's a shot accross your bow dog breath, where's your precious post #1092 now?

1097. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 3:20:21 PM

Good lord. Meet Dr. XavierTColtrane the second.

The "T" stands for "Thread-Killer."

How the fuck did I let Rainman talk me into giving him the keys to the Cadilac?

1098. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 3:22:58 PM

You call this thread a freakin' Cadilac[sic]!?! Shit this thing was flat lining when I agreed to come in and keep on artificial insemination until you got done jacking off and now you want to claim I scratched the paint on your Pinto! What a Blehm!

1099. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 3:25:02 PM

Jesus, he's killing the dream.


He's a madman. An *incompetent* madman.

1100. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 3:27:35 PM

Jesus, he's killing the dream. The Blehm whines about my competency, but he couldn't keep his little wet dream going on his own, had to call in the calvary and then complains when he steps in horse shit. What a maroon!

1101. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 3:29:21 PM

Hey, let's play Whist. That's as exciting as "Blarney."

What a retard.

1102. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 3:31:33 PM

Fuckin' Whist, a moron's rip off version of bridge. Please, don't embarass yourself further, stick to tormenting Jade.

1103. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 3:43:22 PM

Good dog breath, nice to see you can occasionally take direction.

1104. vonKreedon - 4/4/2001 3:44:02 PM

Well, with that well earned victory under my belt I will sign off and go to bed.

1105. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 4:01:56 PM

vK:

Aw, come on....stick around and have a few more 7&7's, or whatever it is you're drinking. (It definitely appears to be something.)



Banks:

Quick question re Message # 1053: Is there any particular reason why India is still a sovereign nation, other than the fact that no civilized country wants to be saddled with a billion spearchuckers who can program the shit out of a computer, and run a Kwik-E-Mart like no one's business, but still haven't conquered the tough diseases like leprosy and beri-beri?

Just wondering.

1106. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 4:17:05 PM

Actually, that is the main reason right there.

Plus we have the bomb.

1107. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 4:21:06 PM

A *small*, puny little bomb, reeking of Curry.

1108. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 4:25:16 PM

Oh yeah, the bomb thing. You and Pakistan, that other paragon of civilization. Scary thought, indeed.

Actually, it does seem that given its diversity, India has done a decent job of holding itself together. But the regular reports of mass mob violence over really stupid shit -- I dunno. It sounds like the country is one enormous soccer riot that doesn't bathe.

What you need is more man-eating tigers to clear out the riff-raff. And maybe convincing some of the folk to let their daughters live once in a while.

1109. marjoribanks - 4/4/2001 4:30:12 PM

I'll take those useful pointers to the PM, Cartman. Thanks. BTW, the mob violence was over some truly important shit in this case, the right to public transport. personally, I like it when mobs act about things like that - please note that no one was killed.

BTW, look who's in India today.

1110. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 4:36:04 PM

Banks:

Huh. I didn't know public tranportation was a "right". You learn something new every day.

But by all means, please do let the PM know my concerns. I can help, if only he'll let me. (It is a guy this month, right?)

What's Fatboy over there for anyway? Hiding out from the ol' ball-and-chain again?

1111. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 4:49:34 PM

Cartman,

Is there any chance you're going to be funny in any one of these posts?

Actually, you were never really funny, come to think of it. You just sort of stole some of my bits and through in the words "Homey" and "Down-Girl" and other black slang and blended it all together in a goopey, unfunny gruel.

1112. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 4:56:40 PM

I don't know...that Message # 1105 was pretty funny Ace!

1113. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:00:06 PM

"Quick question re Message # 1053: Is there any particular reason why India is still a sovereign nation..."

An Ace-like opening riff, showing some promise.

"other than the fact that no civilized country wants to be saddled with a billion spearchuckers"

A tad racist. Lifted from howard Stern.

"who can program the shit out of a computer,"

ditto. And obvious.

"and run a Kwik-E-Mart like no one's business,"

Now we go off the rails completely. One, this is just a Simpsons reference. Two, it's worse than that: Every failed, bad comedian in the eighties and nineties did ten grueling minutes on Indians and Iranians owning Seven-11's.

" but still haven't conquered the tough diseases like leprosy and beri-beri?"

Again, very obvious, and sort of Stern-like.

Ace's rating:

Zero Aces out of Four. Jack-high at best.

1114. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:02:25 PM

Ace:

You're breaking my heart, Down-Girl. I've always craved your approval on "funny". Really. (And you've never been shy about stealing my shit, either, butt-burglar.)

But really, I never had to swipe any black slang from your monkey ass. While you were pissing your pants in third grade, I was a year older and wiser and living with my dad in charming suburbs like Compton and Bellflower with his new (black) wife and her four kids. Dipshit. I was doing the dozens on chumps like you before you knew how to ride a bike.


("Down-Girl"??!?!?!! What the fuck is that? Are you listening to Lenny Kravitz or something? Poser.)

1115. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:04:30 PM

Good lord. Ace is now deconstructing one of my riffs. Are you that desperate, douchebag?

Never mind. Go back to discussing GURPS with your sidekick. You're much better at that.

1116. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:06:04 PM

"Ace-like opening riff". You wish. You haven't been funny since Rosie O'Donnell stopped donating material to your scam charity benefits.

1117. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:09:04 PM

"(And you've never been shy about stealing my shit, either, butt-burglar.)"

This is the ghastliest lie ever told about me.

"Butt-burglar." Hmmm, that's funny. Real funny. Like HEE-HAW funny. I think I'll add that to my store of purloined Cartman "material."

1118. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:13:32 PM

True story, re black slang: One year (I was probably 10 or 11), I stayed with my dad down in Compton for about six months. When I came back up north, for a few weeks I annoyed everyone with the black syntax I had just naturally picked up in the 'hood.

It was mostly minor shit, like saying "fit-ty cint" instead of "fifty cents". And it wasn't an act; my dad, being a Greyhound driver, was gone about 95% of the time, so that was all I'd heard and said for 6 months.

So I'm back home, and my mom and I are coming home from the store, and my mom reminds me to clean my room. I swear to God, I didn't even think, I just looked at her like Gary Fucking Coleman and said, "Nigga please! Clean yo own damn room, fool!"

Naturally, hijinks ensued.

1119. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:13:41 PM

'But really, I never had to swipe any black slang from your monkey ass. While you were pissing your pants in third grade, I was a year older and wiser and living with my dad in charming suburbs like Compton and Bellflower with his new (black) wife and her four kids. Dipshit. I was doing the dozens on chumps like you before you knew how to ride a bike.'

I didn't say you stole the slang. I said you stole half of my act (the lame part, as it turns out) and added some dated "You be illin'" black slang to it, and then turned that all into one big goopey unfunny puree.


You are, and always have been, Ellen DeGeneres bo my Jerry Seinfeld, and Dennis Miller to my Anyone-else-BUT-Dennis Miller.

1120. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:14:48 PM

"Naturally, hijinks ensued."

If the hijinks were funny, why not tell us about them rather than this gruelingly unfunny set-up?

1121. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:15:22 PM

Whatever, Ace. Don't worry, I'm just killing time until I gotta take my wife into the delivery room at 6AM tomorrow morning.

So you'll have all the humor to yourself soon enough. Or you can trade bons mots with vK on what to wear to GenCon50.

Till then, suck my cock.

1122. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:16:30 PM

Whatever. You be illin', homey.

1123. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:18:45 PM

There was a funny Simpsons moment when Marge is watching a dreadful fake sitcom. She turns to Homer and asks: "What do you want to watch? Talk to the Hand or Don't Go There!?"


I can see Cartman serving as a very bad writer on either of these fictitious sitcom abortions.

1124. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 5:19:25 PM

There are some puffed up feathers in here. It must be from Marjori's b.o.

1125. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:20:13 PM

That's only part of it. Sure, I don't like the stinging in my eyes, but mainly it's just Cartman's Yakov Smirnoff impression.


What a country.

1126. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 5:21:08 PM

How do you know when to take her, Cartman? Is it caesarean?

1127. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 5:24:48 PM

Cart,

Please tell me you're not going to take any graphic pictures.(?) I've told my new hubby that when we have kids, he is not allowed to take snap-shots of the actual birth. In fact, I'm not so sure I want him to see the birth. He can be in the room, but I've heard too many horry stories from husbands that watching the actual incident freaked them out and changed their attitude towards a certain female body part. If you know what I'm saying...

1128. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:24:49 PM

Indy:

No, they're going to induce because she's 10 days overdue.



Ace:

Fuck off and die, you smarmy fuck. That Yakov Smirnoff enough for you, cunt?

1129. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:25:37 PM

"Fuck off and die, you smarmy fuck. That Yakov Smirnoff enough for you, cunt? "

What a country.

1130. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:27:38 PM

Leave the blue material to those of us who know how to use it, "Homes."

You don't need to work blue. You've got talent. Well, not talent. But you've got something.

You have shoes. That's it. You have shoes. And shoes can take you far, kid. Shoes can take you straight to the joke-book section of Spencer's Gifts where you can pick up "Jackie the Jokeman's 1001 Put-Downs to use at Parties."

1131. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:28:58 PM

Jen:

Yes, I know exactly what you're saying, and no, there won't any "graphic" shots at all. I won't even pick up the camera until they get the baby cleaned up.

I don't know what to think about people who want to look at all the gooey stuff....very odd. And I would think most women are uncomfortable/embarrassed by that sort of thing.

1132. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:31:31 PM

Cartman's idea of "wit" is wearing a "Who farted?" tee-shirt.

1133. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 5:32:02 PM

Good luck, man.

Don't worry too much about what Jen says. Remember: we all came out that way once and it didn't affect our attitude about the exit corridor none. But make sure you keep her hands away from your gem dandies--if she can get a grip on 'em when she starts with the transition labor, then you may have a whole new orientation entirely.

And you could probably join the Berghoff Boys' Choir.

1134. Jenerator - 4/4/2001 5:32:04 PM

Okay, good. Best wishes to the two of you.





I must go for now and the leave the rest of you in this foul smelling testosterone tank of armpit oil.

1135. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:33:21 PM

I don't need Jackie the Jokeman's books, fuckwad. I've got Hot Dogs & Donuts, featuring the Master himself holding a donut in one hand, and approaching it with the hot dog in the other hand.

It's supposed to be....well, you know what it's supposed to mean.

Or maybe you don't.

And it's not "Homes", moron. It's "Holmes". H-O-L-M-E-S. Holmes. Like Sherlock. Or Mycroft. Or Johnny Wadd. Holmes. Got it? Good.

Christ, I'm explaining this to a guy who doesn't know the difference between "through" and "threw".

Let's change the subject: Ace, you're a Denis Leary fan, aren't you? Have you seen The Job yet?

1136. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:34:24 PM

"Let's change the subject: Ace, you're a Denis Leary fan, aren't you?"

Yes.

"Have you seen The Job yet?"

No. I don't watch "shows." Shows are for women.

1137. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:35:43 PM

I know you like keeping up with your "stories," though.

1138. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 5:37:17 PM

Foul-smelling testosterone? Heck, we were talking about child birthin' and everything.

We're modern men. We not only knock the gals up, we bite the umbilical cords with our teeth when spanky comes.

Then we set jr. up with a ho' on his 15th birthday.

Great dadas, one and all.

1139. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:38:09 PM

Cartman's "Stories"

1. Oz
2. Days of our Lives
3. The Job
4. The Sopranos
5. The Bold & the Beautiful
6. Falcon Crest (owns entire series run on DVD)
7. Guiding Light
8. General Hospital
9. The West Wing
10. Sabrina the Teen-Age Witch

1140. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:39:42 PM

11. (oops, I forgot) NYPD Blue, before they "sold out"

1141. Indiana Jones - 4/4/2001 5:39:44 PM

Personally, the day they canceled Another World knocked me so low I had to go back to drinking strawberry daiquiris in the afternoon.

I couldn't even drag myself out of my housecoat and bunny slippers for a week.

1142. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:40:18 PM

I hear ya.

1143. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:40:40 PM

Cartman's idea of "wit" is wearing a "Who farted?" tee-shirt.

And yours isn't.

What, are you Quentin Fucking Crisp all of a sudden? Or is that Oscar Fucking Wilde?

Shee-it. Mister Fucking Refined Sensibilities. "I say, Jeeves, that Caht-man is quite the boisterous rogue, is he not?"

"Veddy good suh. He is, as you say, a regular Yakov Smirnoff. What a country. Ha ha."

"Tut tut. It is so. Shall we discuss Gurps over ahfternoon tea?"

"Yes, I think we shall. Come along, then."

1144. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:42:41 PM

"Veddy good suh. He is, as you say, a regular Yakov Smirnoff. What a country. Ha ha."


Suh? Are you confusing Bernie Wooster & Jeeves with, perhaps, Foghorn Leghorn and Colonel Sanders?

1145. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:43:20 PM

Suh.


What a country.

1146. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:43:52 PM

Yes, Ace. Shows are for women. That's why they had Liz Hurley on The Job last week.

Actually, there was a very good Ace-like riff in there, but since you're being a fucking cunt, I won't tell you now.

Also, on your list of my favorite shows, you forgot Oprah. Dunce. AlsoRosie. Talent with a capital T.

By the way, if shows are for women, then why are you watching Survivor? I mean, besides the fact that you're a fucking moron.

1147. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:45:14 PM

Are you confusing Bernie Wooster & Jeeves with, perhaps, Foghorn Leghorn and Colonel Sanders?

You mean they're not the same guys?

1148. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:45:41 PM

The Lifetime Channel: Television for Women... and Cartman.

Cartman, do you prefer your made-for-tv movies with Meredith Baxter-Birney or Valerie Bertanelli?

1149. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:46:31 PM

"Actually, there was a very good Ace-like riff in there"

If it's an ace-like riff, I'm sure I've herad it. From you.

1150. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:51:36 PM

Um, yeah. Now that's funny. Cartman watches Lifetime.

It's funny because it's true.

Truly, I am learning at the feet of the master.



Give it a rest already, Ace. Obviously, you're not even funny enough to steal from in the first place. Why don't you go pound some chili-cheese fries and some malt liquor with Aidan Quinn, and then come back and lecture me some more on what's funny, and how I'm a plagiarist, stealing all your bitchin' comedy gold.

(If indeed you can successfully spell "plagiarist".)

Bring it on, "Homes".

1151. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 5:53:04 PM

Come on, Fatboy. Show me what's funny. Let's hear some more "What a country" and "Lifetime for Women" riffs. Those never get stale.

Fuckin' pussy.

1152. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:53:46 PM

"Why don't you go pound some chili-cheese fries and some malt liquor with Aidan Quinn"

Did I tell you that story, fuckface?

Anyway, I'm sorry I've wounded you so badly. But someone had to tell you.

1153. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:54:47 PM

Cartman's the guy at the party who insists on telling you all about last night's episode of Everyone Loves Raymond

1154. AceofSpades - 4/4/2001 5:55:22 PM

Cart, why don't you break out the old Wookie jokes?

They're all good too. Especially the ones you lifted from FU.

1155. wonkers2 - 4/4/2001 5:57:00 PM

Cap'n Dirty sez "Cut the crap and pervide some pitchers."

1156. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 6:15:28 PM

Never seen Everybody Loves Raymond. Never heard a Wookie joke. Don't know what you're talking about. As usual.

Anyway, I'm sorry I've wounded you so badly.

Aw, that's sweet, Mary, but like your third nipple, totally unnecessary. I'd have to care to be "wounded".

Either you're fucking around, in which case it's mildly funny but getting stale, or you're serious, in which case what the fuck would I care about what a mediocrity like yourself thinks about anything?

1157. EricCartman - 4/4/2001 6:29:43 PM

Still waiting for my comedy lesson from Master Ace. Help me out here, Chief.

Please.

Help.

I tried paging back to find one of your jokes to deconstruct, but damned if I could find a single one.

So please. Without your guidance, I'll have to go back to swiping Pauly Shore's material. Help me, O Great Comedy Guru.

That is, if you're not busy looking for Olivia Newton-John hits to download from Napster. Or doing another Goldfinger rewrite.

Let's go, bitch.

1158. Jon Ferguson - 4/4/2001 6:47:22 PM

Well, at least you kids have stopped humpin' Jen's leg for a few minutes.

I guess that's an improvement.

1159. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:34:44 AM

The theme for the day is Blarney stories. Posters are encouraged to post tall tales, either entirely true or greatly enhanced or entirely made up. Blarney stories should be combination shaggy dog and tall tale, presented with the assurance that you'd never ever lie to us about such things. We will then vote on whether the story is true or not. The winner is the person who fools the greatest percentage of voters.

As always, all posts must meet a rigorous, yet vague and secretive, set of guidelines. Any post that does not meet the guidelines will be deleted or randomly moved.

1160. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:36:22 AM

Ach, let me just suck the foam off of this pint a' Guinness here......ah, now that's good.

Well, now, let me tell you about the mosquitos of Gifford-Pinchot, nastiest bunch of swarming bloodsoockers you can imagine, makes me blood thin just thinkin' o' them.

It was the spring of either '79 or '80....no must have been '79 'cause St. Helens blew and knocked all the trees down in '80, so I was working for Bob Berglund digging up trees in the Gifford-Pinchot. People tend to assume that I mean planting trees, but no we were digging trees up and selling them into bondage for landscaping at malls and housing developments. Anyway, Berglund was a mighty man, near as wide as he was tall and seemed like he'd been born with a shovel in his hand. We was diggin' up trees as big as 18 to 22 feet tall. Usually it would take two or three of us to dig up a tree of that size, but I tell you one time I looked over at Bob and he was standin' by himself lookin' up and down at this beautiful but massive 22 foot hemlock. I went back to diggin' the little six foot tree I was workin' on and when I popped her out of the ground and looked round there was Bob grinnin' like the bleedin' Cheshire cat and that 22 food beauty was lyin' on her side! The man was a driven desperate workaholic; he never seemed to sleep except when he was drivin' and used to eat handfuls of Folger's crystals to keep from running off the road.

1161. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:37:13 AM

But I'm not here to tell ya' about Bob Berglund, though actually this whole experience led us to some consume some rather strange foods. We was tryin' to find ways to up our garlic intake so as to discourage the wee little bloodsoockers when we discovered that peanut butter, honey and garlic sandwiches are very good. I swear that it's true on the eventual grave of me still livin' mother. But I'm not here to tell you about what we ate either, so I'll spare you the description o' the granola, butter, coffe crystals, hot chocolate mix and hot water that I ate for breakfast every day.

Well, we were up in the Indian Heaven huckleberry fields diggin' up trees to make more room for the huckleberrys. Actually 'a corse we couldn't give a foock about makin' room for the bleedin' berries, the berries were everywhere, they were in the fookin' way of our gettin' to the fookin' trees. At any rate, we were after sellin' the trees, but the freddies sold us the license so that we would take out trees and make room for the berries. We had a crew of about half a dozen boyos diggin' up trees...well now, I guess I'd have to tell you a wee bit about diggin up the trees. You find a comely lookin' specimen of spruce or hemlock or fir and you dig around the drip line, under the tree and snap the tap root and pop 'er out of the ground. Then the work begins. You have to wrap the bloody root ball in burlap and tighten the sackin' down good and tight usin' nails as levers and fasteners. One time Bob's wife bought us a new set o' nails and the buggers were galvanized! Fookin' bitch it was to trying to push the galvanized nails through the burlap, let me tell you.

1162. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:37:39 AM

But me story's not about wrappin' the root balls of the fookin' trees, it's about the fookin' mosquitos. So, it was spring and the meadows were full o' little ponds an puddles, every one o' them teemin' with fookin' mosquito larvae. The air was so thick with these monsters that at times we'd look up thinkin' that a haze had moved in and find that there was a cloud o' mosquitos between us and the sun. One time one of the crew, a tall city slicker who'd never imagined such an infestation of bugs outside of a horror or sci-fi movie, just lost his mind and stampeded through the woods like he was some deranged caribou or somethin'. When he finally snapped out of his delerium he was well and truly lost. It took us 45 minutes to find the lad. Another time I was wrappin' the root ball of a tree, goin' as fast as I could with the tree fair in me lap, an' out o' the corners of me eyes I could see that me forarms and hands seemed to be gettin' tan at a furious rate. I finished up the tree an' took a look at me arms and found that I'd grown fur! I looked again and realized that I had mosquitos suckin' at near every pore! Nothin' seemed to stop the sookers. We would laquer ourselves with Cutters every twenty minutes, but this would only slow 'em down. Instead of bein' furred with the monsters we'd be surrounded by a cloud of 'em each one touchin' down and then bein' repelled until finally you'd sweat enough that the repellent would start to wash away and in they'd come!

This story is truly true, every word of it, I swear to you as 'me mother's maiden name was Carroll and her mother's was Flanagan.

1163. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 9:10:57 AM

You've set a high bar, lad, and you may intimidate the begeezis out of other pretenders to yer throne.

1164. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 9:14:48 AM

Fook! That'll mean that I'm stook with comin' oop with tomorrow's theme, blast and begorah!

But seriously folks, take my life.....please.

1165. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 9:21:24 AM

From Slate's review of That's My Bush!

When the Funny Next-Door Neighbor (John D'Aquino) strolls into the Oval Office (past unblinking Secret Service agents) and plants himself in an easy chair, the formula calls for him to crack a joke, so he tells the president his lawn is full of snew. ("What's snew?" "Nothing much, what's snew with you?") Each episode ends with a ludicrously inadequate homily or lesson, such as the realization of Laura Bush (Carrie Quinn Dolin) why it's hard for pro-lifers and pro-choicers to agree: "Because, in a way, they're both right." When his wife tells him off, George smiles, makes a fist, and announces, "One of these days, Laura, I'm going to"-and here the audience joins in-"punch you in the face!!!" Raucous laughter all around at the prospect of a good wife-beating.

I wonder is Ace's new project isn't writing for this show? These jokes have got Ace written all over them.

1166. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 9:27:11 AM

I saw that show -- or at least a bit of it -- after South Park last night. It really and truly sucked. It sucked so bad I was amazed that anyone gave it air time, much less hyped it.

1167. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 9:30:03 AM

Umm... Bub if you want to discuss the actual show you should go to Movies/Television, this space is reserved for dising Ace's supposed sense of humor. Thank you for your cooperation.

1168. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 9:35:05 AM

And here I was wonderin' whether the man hadn't done enough by pilfer'n most of the other Mote threads but what he now had his heart set on Movies & TV too.

Even this contest reminds me of that gimpy Dick Clark show what had Number One as host.

So is Ace Dick and vonK Jonathan Frakes (or whatever the lad's name is)?

I've studied on it awhile and I say the yarn in post 1162 is true. Cept'n for the Cooters part.

Knowin' vonK as I do (never met him in my life), I'm thinking he used "Skin So Soft" to repel those bloodsookers.

1169. marjoribanks - 4/5/2001 9:36:46 AM

Another astonishingly bad idea from VonK.

Kudos, VonK, kudos.

1170. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 9:37:50 AM

VonK

The show reached new lows of suckitude, nearly as low as Ace's "humor" evidenced on this thread -- a suckitude level currently untouched by even the lamest sitcoms.

That better?

1171. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 9:38:08 AM

IJ - Is that a vote for my tale not being true, since to be true it has to be completely true, even the part about the cooters.

Bub - On second thought I think that IJ is on to something, feel free to comment on survivor. Do you think that Amanda will be booted?

1172. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 9:39:01 AM

Thank you Major!

Very good Bub, very good.

1173. RickNelson - 4/5/2001 9:44:06 AM

vK, Not true.

1174. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 9:51:41 AM

In honor of the new thread subject...Kathy Ireland:

1175. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 9:52:14 AM

I vote for true on vonK's story.

1177. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 9:56:18 AM

IJ - Remember that you can't link from GeoCities anymore.

So far one story with voting split 1-1

1179. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 10:00:22 AM

Blarney. Well, I have to strike a lick, so I'll fix that later.

Lots of Kathy Ireland to make up for it and to celebrate the occasion.

I'm off to watch Darby O'Gill and the Little People and drink a pint o' Guiness.

1183. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 10:08:09 AM

This SUCKS!!!!!

3rd attempt at simple HTML.....

Message # 11802 in thread 25

1184. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 10:09:28 AM

Ms - Why not just cut and paste?

1185. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 10:09:30 AM

Huzzah!

3rd time kisses the blarny stone!

1186. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 10:10:17 AM

vK

I don't do no stinking cut and paste....


Besides I wouldn't want to be accused of spam.

1187. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 10:10:53 AM

Here is the Ms' entry:

As part of the original bankroll for this site, I'd like to express my total confidence in JJ and the rest of the moderators that the money is being well safeguarded for future needs.

Last I heard Jay and Alistair sent a team of ex-military commandos to patrol the Swiss bank where the money is being kept in a deep and very thick vault (with a triple locking mechanism).

In addition, I heard Wabbit contacted the Bunny Underground to station Polish Rabbits (the attack experts) at key points along the building's perimeter, just to ensure that no stray dogs carrying lettuce slipped through the commando patrol.

Then I heard that Irving sent some of his ubiquitous servants over to JJ's house just to make sure nothing stressed him out to the point of needing to take a vacation, at least not without signing over his power of attorney to Jay.

I also thought it was, by now, common knowledge that an attempt to steal the funds by those crazy mid-western treasure hunters was soundly nipped in the bud by the bunny squad, who managed to alert the commandos, who in turn used a large magnet to round up the thieves by the metal detector machines permanently attached to their arms.

All in all, I must say that I feel pretty confident that the money is in good hands (and paws).

1189. RickNelson - 4/5/2001 10:15:51 AM

hahahahaha

1190. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 10:17:03 AM

Ms.

As a member of the cabal, I happen to know that your story is TRUE!

1191. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 10:20:04 AM

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a tale from Dusty indicating that Clinton is responsible for the current standoff with China:

14305. Dusty - 4/5/01 3:04:37 PM

I think I've figured out the China conundrum.

It seemed odd that supposedly intelligent people would be insisting on an apology for something that wasn't our fault.

Then I realized that the Chinese had gotten too used to Clinton over the last eight years, watching him apologize for almost everything except that which was his fault. Ergo, the Chinese think the US policy is to apologize for bad shit, especially when it isn't the fault of the person apologizing.

We need to let them know that we don't do that anymore.

1192. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 10:21:21 AM

I call bullshit on the Ms' entry.

Two entries:

vK: 1 true - 1 false
MsIT:1 true - 1 false

1193. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 10:23:14 AM

Bub - Very nice try, but you have to come up with the entry your own self. Plus it needs waaay more embelishment to really qualify.

1194. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 10:23:51 AM

What a scam this guy has going!

It's the truth, the whole truth, so help me Blarney.

1195. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 10:24:56 AM

Moi? Is that a vote for the inveracity of my story?

1196. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 10:25:38 AM

I vote 1

Otherwise, mum's the word.

1197. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 10:33:12 AM

VonK

Make up yer mind. First ya tell me that I should cut and paste and now ya tell me that I hafta draft from scratch.

1198. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 10:37:18 AM

vK just likes to be the power hungry deletion man around this place.

1199. glendajean - 4/5/2001 10:49:46 AM

It was a month or so ago. I am ashamed I cannot remember the date. I was flipping past the fecal descriptions in the Politics thread ... actually, I was rolling past the comments with this little wheel on my mouse ... blah, blah, blah ... when I read one of Ace's defense of all things conservative.

It is better to give back to the people what belongs to them than to the bloodsuckers of Washington, those nasty liberals.... you know the rest of the argument.

No, maybe it wasn't a defense of conservative virtue. Maybe it was an attack on liberal venality. No, not liberal venality, Bill Clinton's venality.

Or maybe it was a hint of vulnerability.

But it spoke to me. I mean, the computer literally spoke to me.

glendajean, it said. Why are you perscuting my people?.

What the ...I was startled.

Why are you persecuting my people?.



And then it hit me.

1200. glendajean - 4/5/2001 10:52:14 AM

It hit me alright.

Do you know how much money one can make with a computer that talks? Sure, the market is in the tank, particularly around technology stocks, but hey, a taking computer.

I mean a computer that stands up for the people.

A computer that says Barry Goldwater is right and we know it in our hearts.

A computer that thinks Rush Limbaugh is kinda cute.

A computer that is a believer.

1201. marjoribanks - 4/5/2001 11:16:45 AM

It was Suzdal, in 1983, and I was travelling with a group of hebrew-text smugglers through the USSR. Andropov was the head of the Politburo.

It was desperately cold in Suzdal, so cold that when you spat the little gob froze in the air and shattered when it hit the ground.

Still, we kept warm thanks to our Russian hats (purchased for dollars at the foreign exchange stores). These were made of rabbit, I was told, and I swear that we sweated under them despite the unbelievable temperatures outside.

1202. marjoribanks - 4/5/2001 11:17:09 AM

In the mornings, we assembled in the hotel lobby and all took long swigs from a vodka bottle offered to us by our teacher (I was 15), then we stamped out into the snow and about our business of passing bundles of hebrew texts to mysterious Jews who we'd meet at sites of ostensible historical interest like old monasteries and state museums.

Due to the sheer inedibility of the food, I survived on vast quantities of Pepsi and minute quantities of caviar, both bought at the foreign exchange store. Every day, I would eat a packet of instant noodles and a mars bar, both of which I'd packed a supply of to barter with.

The remaining barter item, chewing gum, I traded liberally with Russian schoolchildren and youths who we met along the way. In exchange for about 70 packets of Wrigleys I got about 100 pins with all kinds of Russian motifs. Last year, I took them to a store in Greenwich Village and they offered me $500 for them.

Every day, our guide would single me out and sing Hindi film songs to me from the 50's which I didn't know. To make up for it, I'd smoke Cuban cigars with him in the evenings. Also available at the foreign exchange store.

One of the adults travelling with us was a former refugee from Hungary. Her squabbling twin daughters, my schoolmates though a grade above, also came along. One or the other slept with me in my room every night until the end of the trip after which we avoided each other completely at school.

In Suzdal, I got my first blowjobs and I didn't like them at all.

1203. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:05:52 PM

I got my first blowjobs and I didn't like them at all.

Didn't like them, at all!!! A line like that is soo unbelievable on its face that I suspect it to be true. The question really is why would Marj share this dirty little secret with us?

I have to ponder the conundrum posed by Marj's last line.

1204. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:07:25 PM

Bub - You have to keep up with the times. The Spam theme was yesterday, old new, gone with the wind. Now I'm looking for original content. Read the bloody thread definition already.

1205. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 12:07:48 PM

Answer: It was so cold the women couldn't stop their teeth from chattering?

1206. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:09:09 PM

Ms - I take it that your vote of 1 translates as a binary True on my story, correct?

1207. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:10:00 PM

IJ - Oh shit, of course!

1208. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 12:10:02 PM

Sounds like the first date was with a Hoover-Deluxe upright. Perhaps banks shouldn't have used the upholstery attachment.

1209. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:10:37 PM

Or maybe the rug beater attachment was on?

1210. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 12:11:55 PM

I believe that our sudoriferous friend is telling the truth. I'm sure his story, like all the rest of his, has been embellished somewhat, but the gist of it is true.

1211. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 12:14:05 PM

"sudoriferous"

Great word.

1212. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 12:16:17 PM

I'm coming up with a story...

1213. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:17:47 PM

Jen - If the story has been embellished, if any of it is made up then the whole story is false.

Those are the rules, they are not in dispute.

1214. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 12:18:01 PM

Perfect breakfast?

You're sitting at the table and your son is on
the cover of the box of Wheaties.

Your mistress is on the cover of Playboy.

Your wife is on the back of the milk carton.

1215. marjoribanks - 4/5/2001 12:19:20 PM

Actually, I would have thought that it was the most believable line in the whole account.

Inexpert blowjobs are not enjoyable, surely we all know that.

I'm not letting on about the overall veracity until later when VonK's absurd game ends.

1216. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:21:39 PM

I call false on GJ's delightful fable of conservative schizophrenia. I'm still pondering the Major's tale of youthful debauchery.

Ok so far, four stories:

vK: 1(2?) true - 1 false
Ms: 1 true - 1 false
GJ: 0 true - 1 false
MB: 1(?) true - 0 false

1217. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:23:51 PM

I guess I wouldn't know then Major, I mean, at all enjoyable!?! Please, and you claim to have been a fifteen year old. That is a tall tale, I vote false on the Major.

vK: 1(2?) true - 1 false
Ms: 1 true - 1 false
GJ: 0 true - 1 false
MB: 1(?) true - 1 false

1218. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 12:24:32 PM

Inexpert blowjobs are not enjoyable, surely we all know that.

It's poor form to criticize any lass who's willing to put her mouth on your uncircumcised, sudoriferous staff of power.

1219. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:44:58 PM

I propose that tomorows theme center on the following theme suggested by my absent co-host:

14396. AceofSpades - 4/5/01 5:43:19 PM

Now, there are those who dispute that my penis can "get the job done." My girlfriend, for example. Her friends, for a few more example. Every woman I've ever slept with, to name a few more.

But I have never wavered.

From Day One, I have maintained that my penis is adequate.

1220. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 12:51:03 PM

Whether Ace's penis can get the job done?

Or does each of us get to talk about his own man root?

1221. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 12:55:21 PM

I'm open to suggestions, but I don't think that Jen, Bub, Ms, et al can talk about their own "man root". In the mean time I belive that someone has got Kathy Ireland pictures to successfully link in here.

1222. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 12:57:46 PM

Kathy Ireland has enough eyebrow to make even Marjori jealous.

1223. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:00:58 PM

Jen - That better be a complement or I'll delete your ass.

1224. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 1:03:31 PM

Hey! I have a manroot. At least DH sez it's mine, though I haven't tried to take it on business trips without him. Also Mz. Phys gave me a racoon penis hung from a piece of leather. She suggests that it might be useful during business meetings to level the playing field so to speak.

1225. seadate - 4/5/2001 1:05:46 PM

Inexpert blowjobs are not enjoyable, surely we all know that.

Not your first or second one. Why?

1) It's a new experience.
2) This usually applies to an adolescent, so it doesn't take an expert to do the trick.

1226. glendajean - 4/5/2001 1:05:53 PM

She suggests that it might be useful during business meetings to level the playing field so to speak.

In order to level the playing field, it will be necessary for the original balls to be attached.

1227. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:06:41 PM

A racoon penis is by definition NOT a man root. Only someone without a penis would try to substitute a puny dried up racoon member.

1228. seadate - 4/5/2001 1:06:58 PM

Kathy Ireland has enough eyebrow to make even Marjori jealous.

Ahem ... who's jealous?

1229. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 1:10:11 PM

I dunno, VK, do you have a bone in your penis and a barb on the end?

GJ -- If I want balls, I can take theirs.

1230. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:10:22 PM

Sea - Precisely, for a fifteen year old having a girl inexpertly think about touching his penis is pleasurable; to have a girl actually make physical contact, even painful contact, would be at least moderately pleasurable. I note that the Major refers to blowjobs in the plural, so apparently they were not so without pleasure as to not be worth repeating.

Or maybe he was just being very polite.

1231. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 1:10:49 PM

Also Mz. Phys gave me a racoon penis hung from a piece of leather. She suggests that it might be useful during business meetings to level the playing field so to speak.

I like that tactic! Social studies tends to be dominated by men (coaches at that), and so I think that I need one (racoon penis) to send a message.

1232. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:11:14 PM

Bub - No (ouch), but its waaaay bigger than the fuckin' racoons I can assure you of that.

1233. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 1:12:44 PM

Von K, Von K

Haven't you heard that it's not the size of the tool but the way you handle it?

1234. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:14:59 PM

Are you saying that its not the size but the barb at the end? Are you saying that size coupled with exquisite technique is not inherently better than said technique without size? Are you saying that racoons make better lovers?

What are you saying, inquiring minds (like mine) want to know.

1235. seadate - 4/5/2001 1:16:32 PM

Or maybe he was just being very polite.

Now there's an idea.

1236. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 1:18:01 PM

Von K

In the case in point, the member is to be used for intimidation purposes. Simply having a penis on a sinew around one's neck may make the point.

1237. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 1:18:06 PM

Please...please...we're using up tomorrow's material today.

You all are engaging in premature ejaculations.

1238. bubbaette - 4/5/2001 1:19:16 PM

I have to go to a meeting now, anyhow. But I'm prepared.

1239. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 1:19:37 PM

I think this is the same photo as earlier, but on somebody else's page.

1240. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:21:22 PM

Shut up IJ and start linking already. We haven't even begun to plumb the depths of what jobs Aces penis might be adequate to perform. We're just talking about racoon penises. Now there are similarities, except that Ace's doesn't have a bone or a barb, but other than that, very similar.

1242. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:22:00 PM

Ok, now find ones with better resolution.

Thank you for your cooperation.

1243. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:22:57 PM

Ok Jen, you were warned.

1244. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 1:23:30 PM

Not as good a scan, though. Here's another:

1245. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 1:26:23 PM

I will give Kathy Ireland this: she looked great when she was pregnant. Very fit and very cute, even when 8 months along.

1246. seadate - 4/5/2001 1:26:29 PM

That pic makes me feel soooo polite.

1247. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:26:46 PM

IJ - You incompetent henchman, that one doesn't show up either!

1248. seadate - 4/5/2001 1:27:16 PM

C'mon Jen, retract the claws.

1249. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 1:28:27 PM

Alright. I'm uploading a couple to Stinky's Piggery.

Back in a jiffy.

1250. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 1:28:35 PM

vK,

There's no way you're going to drag me into this abortion of a thread.

1251. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:29:28 PM

Whatever, I'm sure your penis is up to the job.

Or is it?

1252. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:29:58 PM

Jen - Earlier you said that you were working on a story, any progress?

1253. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 1:32:06 PM

vonK,

Yes, it'll be here in a while...

1254. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 1:34:22 PM

Better?

1255. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:35:16 PM

No, Igor, not better.

1256. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 1:38:06 PM

Well that just sucks.

The problem is my stupid browser caches them so they show up for me.

I swear Luke, it's not my fault!

1257. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 1:40:29 PM

Well, whose fault would it be? Did Calrissian's men sabotage your browser or something?

At any rate, I have to go eat dinner. Check back in later.

1258. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 1:42:19 PM

Okay. I'll put the wookie and the mincing droid on it.

Enjoy your thistle salad. Or is that Scotland?

1259. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 2:21:00 PM

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."
---Rodney Dangerfield

1260. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 2:30:03 PM

One bleak economic day:

Hans and Nilsson were down at the local unemployment bureau to calim wages for jobs they recently lost. Hans, being first in line, states to the clerk his case. The clerk asked, "What was your former duties?", to which Hans answered, "Panty-Stitcher". The clerk opens up her files and announces that the job is listed as "Un-skilled labor" and promptly hands him a $300.00.
Next Nilsson steps up and the same question is asked of him. He answers' "Diesel Fitter". The clerk once again addresses the file and announces its listing as "Skilled labor", and hands him a $600.00. Hans is beside himself. He shouts, "Whas this? I sew the all the elastic part to the panties and get $300, while after I hand them off to Nilsson here, all he does is say "Ja, desel fitter".

1261. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 2:54:25 PM

I demand that this thread be cancelled.

VonKreedon has ruined this thread and turned it into an abortion. Meanwhile, the good Dr.XavierTColtrane has his thread RIPped for being absent a scant two hours.

1262. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 2:56:35 PM

Terrible.

Kiss 'Me Blarney Stones.

What the hell is the apostrophe doing before the "Me"?

I'll take Erratic Random Puncuation for $500, Alex.


Meanwhile, the Pride of the Mote, the Good Doctor Coltrane has impeccable punctuation and he can't get arrested.


The ever-shrinking Cabal of this place is making worse and worse decisions all the time. First they take away the Good Doctor's amusing and informative thread, now they give a thread to this subliterate miscreate vonGURPS.

1263. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 2:57:05 PM

Miscreant, I meant.

1264. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:02:50 PM

Once upon a time this thread, like GURPS, *stood* for something.

Now it's purely Hack n' Slash.

And the Greatest Man Who Ever Walked the Face of the Earth (except Jesus), the Magnanimous Doctor Xavier Tiberius Coltrane, must wander the site aimlessly without a home and without a forum for his transcendent wisdom.

By the way, I am taking the wife to a touring production of "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," you know, the movie starring Peter Frampton and the BeeGees, made into a stage play. It has a truly stellar cast -- Frank Stallone and three sessions members from the rock group Boston -- and I and the wife couldn't be more excited.

I will detail this epochal entertainment as soon as I get back from it. Wearing, of course, a snazzy purple Sgt Pepper band-member outfit, of course.

1265. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:07:01 PM

Whew! The wife and I just got back from the rollicking stage entertainment "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band."

Frank Stallone was AMAZING. The three sessions members from Boston were INCREDIBLE. Plus, there were lots of surprises, like Nell Carter from Give me a Break! as Penny Lane, and a special appearance by Gerardo ("Rico Suave") as Mean Mister Mustard.

The local critics will probably be Apple Bonkers, but do not listen to them. The entire audience was singing "Polythene Pam" as if they'd heard it dozens of times before.

Outstanding.

1266. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:08:56 PM

Meanwhile, the "Soul of the Mote," as I call Cazart and Jexster and the inimitable GOD INCARNATE I call Doctor Xavier Tiberius Coltrane STILL do not have threads of there own, and it has only been six minutes since I last demanded such.


I will gladly sign over the mortgage of my six bedroom North Virginia home to the Cabal who runs this place if only I could have my "Kosovo" thread back.

1267. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:12:32 PM

A quick note: My four children -- Roy Jr., Esteban, Pascal, and my lovely daughter Huberta -- will be left unattended by my wife for exactly six minutes, at precisely 3:30 pm EST, as she runs into the local Seven-11 while leaving the children in the car.

The car is a chrome-blue 2000 Nissan Sentra ESX, license plate number EJM-678. The keys will be left in the ignition.


Please do not use this information for any malicious purposes. And please forget immediately that I revealed it.

Thank you.

1268. PelleNilsson - 4/5/2001 3:15:02 PM

While we are waiting for Jen's contribution I'm proud to present a fast-moving raunchy story written by a Motie in our midst. Male or female Motie on asks oneself. (Bubba knows, so don't answer)


"Damn, I've ripped my bodice." Clarice muttered under her breath as she climbed over the spikes in the wall of her father's palace. Her father had forbidden her seeing the privateer Roberts, but Clarice was not going to be dissuaded by such simple measures as fatherly admonitions and elite eunuch guards at the doors and gates. She knew that she could count on her Nana to keep anyone but Clarice's father out of her bedchamber for the rest of the night, so her only concern was not being caught by the patrols and taken in to custody as a lady of the streets, particularly given her destination: the black wharves.
Clarice hung from the top of the wall for a moment, her generous bosom pressed against the cold stone, and then dropped lithely to the ground. She tossed her auburn hair back with a sinuous movement of her head, her green eyes searching the darkness for movement. Her pupils widened as she saw the figure of a large man detach itself from the shadows across the cobble stoned boulevard. Her breath quickened and she ran forward into the arms of her lover.
"How did you...?" "Hush my princess," said Roberts in a husky whisper, "I will tell you all in a nonce." And then he drew her to the shadows, to his broad chest, to his mouth, crushing her to him as he near drowned her with a tidal wave of a kiss. Clarice let herself be swept up in the wave for a moment and then launched herself up and into the kiss with a ferocity that was both frightening and exhilarating for her like no other experience in her young life. After a moment of eternity Roberts broke her hold on him.

1269. PelleNilsson - 4/5/2001 3:16:36 PM

"We must be going," he said with difficulty. Stopping only to readjust his codpiece, Roberts took Clarices finely boned hand in his and they hurried through the dark streets toward the black wharves and Roberts' privateer, the Rutting Buck.
They crept aboard silently and into Roberts' cabin. Roberts closed the door and turned to face Clarice. Clarice hurled herself at Roberts, pinning him to the door as she unleashed her pent up passion on his muscular body. They slid down the door and onto the floor, gasping for air as they consumed each other in a feast of the senses, their clothes evaporating as if their bodies were beyond such constraints.
Then the cannons began to fire in the harbor and they knew that their passion would have to wait yet again for its consummation.

1270. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:17:04 PM

Terrific. Now we've moved into explicit, graphic pornography.


The ever dwindling Cabal who runs this place should be ashamed of themselves.

So should Jen, for strutting around like a painted-face strumpet and turning her back on the Good Book. And me.

1271. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 3:17:31 PM

Oh my.....

Oh my my my my my

1272. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:26:52 PM

And what do you have to say about it, Missy?

You, along with the googly-eyed blue Muppets MsNo and PelleNillson, are just fuzzy plush toys to be manipulated by CalGal and the Powers That Be.

1273. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 3:29:07 PM

I know, it's sad.

Very very sad.

But Pelle's story got me kind of worked up.....

Yours was a cheap imitation of the real thing however.

I bet your kids get kidnapped.

1274. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:37:11 PM

Eh. I tried.

1275. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 3:52:35 PM

Ace (1267) is primo.

1277. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:57:43 PM

Answer: To get lipstick off your teeth, you enter the bathroom at the school attended by your lovely daughter Huberta (the Quaker Friends Day School, located on Rural Route 15, just past the Markely Rotary) and rub it off with toilet paper.

Then, once you've picked up your lovely daughter Huberta, you are free to run errands at your bank (Safety Deposit Box 0332; key is taped beneath the drawer of the nightstand by my wife's side of the bed).

1278. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 3:59:14 PM

Of course I cannot say WHICH bank.

But I can provide a very vague clue:

Th_ Firs_ Nationa_ Ban_ and Credi_ Unio_ of Chev_ Chas_, Marylan_.

1280. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:06:04 PM

Hey Igor, have you figured out what Calrissian did to your browser yet? If so, where are the Ireland pics?

1281. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:07:23 PM

I'm Irish on my mother's side.

1282. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:08:30 PM

Uhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Stone.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggghhhhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhh.

Rosetta Stone.

Uhhhhhhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhhhgggggghhhhgg.

What the hell are you spamming my thread with that crap for?

Is this your way of telling us you are the ALLMIGHTY MANIFEST IN THE FORM of the Good Doctor Xavier T. Coltrane?

1283. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:08:36 PM

Pelle - Spam day was YESTERDAY, today is create your own blarney story day, get with the program you humorless jacketbooted martinet.

1284. PelleNilsson - 4/5/2001 4:09:26 PM

The author of the fine story I quoted in #1268-69 is of course our genial host vonKreedon. There is a sequel too. Shout if you want it.

1285. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:09:46 PM

Hey, cool-- who the hell deleted Rosetta Stone's spam?

I was actually thinking of doing it myself.

1286. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:10:23 PM

Cellar - You must have some tall stories, to fantastic to be believed, that you could post. It's up to you to save from the Malibu Ken version of Ace.

1289. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:11:07 PM

That of course would be me Ace.

1295. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:12:28 PM

Rosie,

Because it sucked in every way it is possible for a post to suck.

Further, it seemed like a spamnacious attempt to create the Good Doctor's Dear Abby column here.

Which will not be allowed.

1297. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:12:57 PM

Good deletion, vonKreedon. We don't need no riff-raff.

1305. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:15:06 PM

Stone,

Knock it off. If you want to fight, fine, fight. But do so in posts which contain more than a single word.

And don't post any more Dear Abby spam.

1309. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:16:22 PM

Stone,

Perhaps I'm not getting through to you.

How'd you like to join Cazart in TT's Mote Cafe -- permanently, as an "involuntary guest"?

1313. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:19:53 PM

I've got a counterproposal. How about you get down on your knees, open your mouth wide, and suck my dirty, filthy cock?

1314. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:23:11 PM

So as I was saying, someone has got to come forward and prevent this thread from being subverted by the pervert Malibu Ken Ace and his attempts to get Barbie offed.

I mean, is that supposed to be funny? Admitedly I laughed, but does that really prove anything?

1315. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:23:31 PM

Rosie,

Seriously. It's a limited time offer, and you look like you got a mouth made for sucking cock.

1318. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:24:26 PM

What the hell are you talking about?

What is "Malibu Ken Ace"? Is this me? Is it supposed to be an insult? If so, in what way?

1319. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:25:20 PM

Thread host fight.

Sweet.

1320. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:26:49 PM

Oh come on Ken, don't be coy - the Beegee, the beautiful but frigid wife, the expensive but plasticky car, the perfect tan, the hidden psychosis. Your as transparent as glass.

1321. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:28:22 PM

Franc-n-Niner! Oh do you do? Ken and I get along great, did you see us doubling up on Stoner just now? Sweet. So how the hell are ya?

1322. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:28:38 PM

vonKreedon,

After I get done painting Rosie's tongue with goopy white man-glue, maybe I'll do you next.

1323. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:29:43 PM

And if I'm being insulted, I still don't really get it.

If you're making fun of Rosie, that's not clear either.

You're not very good at this, vonKreedon. Strike that-- you suck. My cock.

1324. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:29:54 PM

No thanks Ken, I heard about the barb at the end of your coon sized member. I do try to be very polite, but I'll really have to sit this one out.

1325. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:30:54 PM

Ken, I'm not insulting you, I see you as you are and am glad that your ok with it.

Really.

1330. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:34:14 PM

Ace and VK "doubling up on Stoner."

This is some rib-tickling stuff.

1332. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:34:52 PM

FU,

How'd you like a throat-full of my stinking choad?

1339. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:36:55 PM

Ace

Will you and VK take me to the mall afterward?

1341. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:37:59 PM

I just got ahold of a pirate copy of Todd Haynes' "Superstar: Tha Karen Carpenter Story." It's all done with Barbie dolls. Very effective.

As for mouths made for cocksucking, what about Ben Affleck?

1342. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:38:01 PM

VK

You and Ace better "double up" on Rosie again.

1344. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:38:39 PM

Ken could take you in his Lexus XTC-SEi 450. Its silver you know.

1345. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:38:46 PM

Is there an orgy going on in here that no one has told me about?

1347. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:39:08 PM

There's way too much negativity here.

1349. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:39:44 PM

"negativity"?

1350. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:39:53 PM

Rosetta,

Read the ROE on spamming.

1352. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:40:32 PM

Cellar

Yes. Ace and VK have been "doubling up" on Rosie, and then, spent, they embrace, and VK appears to have a pet name for Ace - Malibu Ken. Despite his outward ferocity, I fear that Ace is the bottom.

1354. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:41:03 PM

Yeah. Idiot FU is trying to pick some sort of a fight with me, and I'm not really in the mood to fight.

Too much negativity.

Plus, Rosie's about to suck the spleen out of my body. Right through my sweaty, cheesey cock.

1355. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:41:46 PM

Why did you delete my post on lipstick on teeth.

Asked and answered: Because it sucked.

1357. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:41:57 PM

Franc - why on earth would Ken's bottom position cause you fear?

1358. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:42:10 PM

I'm not picking a fight with, Malibu Ken.

1359. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 4:42:58 PM

I'm starting to think Stone's pic in the Mote movie should be replace by Charles Laughton.

Errr...about that Kathy Ireland stuff. You know, after a while it seemed almost like work or something.

I didn't miss Jen's story, did I?

1362. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:43:11 PM

Well I've always pegged Ace as a bottom. Nothing new there.

Barbie, as I'm sure we all know, is a Top.

1363. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:43:29 PM

What was spam about what I did.

The first posts were not quite spam. They just sucked and were off-topic.

Everything since then has been spam.


A simple question. Really.

A simple answer: Your posts suck.

1365. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 4:43:48 PM

Who hit the thread with the fag bat?

And a missing charcters stick?

1367. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:44:47 PM

RS,

When two different people simultaneously decide to delete your posts, without discussing the matter, because they suck so badly, then that usually means the posts in question sucked.

1368. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:44:53 PM

It puts the lotion in the basket.

1370. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:45:38 PM

If Rosie is Charles Laughton, then who's his Elsa?

Saw an incredible screening of "The Night of the Hunter" last week at UCLA that included a 1/2 hour of rushes. You could hear Laughton cueing Robert Mitchum in takes of a scene where he was talking to Shelley Winters. it was a close-up of Mitchum and Laughton read Shelley's part.

1371. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:45:53 PM

So posts that SUCK are deleted?

Stone, you are a regular Sherlock Holmes.

1373. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 4:46:04 PM

So posts that SUCK are deleted?

Yep. This isn't politics you know.

1376. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 4:48:02 PM

Someone please tow the large beige station wagon parked in front of the 7-11.

1378. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:48:21 PM

Rosie,

Drop it and post something interesting. I am no longer interested in your whiney screechy sissy-boy routine.

No offense, Cellar.

1380. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:49:52 PM

14508. jexster - 4/5/01 9:48:45 PM

Dusty...

Do you believe me or not?

Either shit or poopstain your BVD's



And this genius is a Close Personal Friend of Charlie Cook. Gets email from him, you know.


Poopstain.

1382. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:50:14 PM

Whiney screechy sissy-boys need love too, Ace. Have a heart.

1383. Francis Urquhart - 4/5/2001 4:50:16 PM

In the role of Piggy . . .

1384. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 4:50:33 PM

"Fag bat" wasn't directed at CD either.

It was...either vonK or FU. Depending on which one of them isn't around.

1386. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 4:51:30 PM

Shit out of luck there Igor, now get back to work.

1387. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 4:51:43 PM

It was, Stone.

But too visionary.

1388. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:51:46 PM

Because I've actually kissed the Blarney Stone.

Fascinating.

You are a constant fascination.

You went to Ireland (as you've told us ten dozen times) and while there, get this, you kissed the Blarney Stone.

Wow.

I mean: Wow.


Did you visit a pub, or "Public House," as well? And perhaps drink a Guiness?

1389. RosettaStone - 4/5/2001 4:52:00 PM

Especially if you kiss with lipstick on.

1390. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 4:52:13 PM

"Fag Bat"?

Renfield in "Dracula," of course.

1391. RosettaStone - 4/5/2001 4:53:06 PM

Where are all my interesting comments?

1393. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 4:53:59 PM

Where are all my interesting comments?

We've been asking that for years.

1394. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:54:33 PM

Rosie,

When I was in Italy I saw some nice churches. Old ones. Like more than fifty or sixty years old.

I also ate some Gelato. Do you know they have Gelato in Italy? Yeahp. They've got it. It tastes very good. Much like "iced cream," as we say here in the States.

I also went to England, where I visited Picadilly Circus. It's not a circus at all, you know. It's just a big interchange.

1397. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 4:59:03 PM

Does anybody else have any anecdotes about travel as thrilling as Rosie's?

I do.

When I went to England, I stayed in London. That's where James Bond lives. It's like the capital or something.

1399. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:00:59 PM

They have funny guards outside the Queen's house (whatever it's called; I forget the name. But it's such a big house, it has its own name. Like "Tara" in Gone with the Wind.)

Anyway, the "hip thing to do" when at the Queen's house is to take pictures with these funny guards. You make funny faces at them, but they just keep this blank stare. It's hilarious.

That's my travel-tip of the day. If you go to the Queen's house, get some funny pictures taken with the guards.

1400. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:02:15 PM

Yeah, I went to Dublin, it's like the capital wherever the Irish live. I spent the whole time in this hotel room talking with other geeks on the internet. The weather, what I saw of it was wet. There was some old book of the Kelts or something, the room was dark so I couldn't really read what it said.

1402. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:03:41 PM

I've heard that Dublin/Irish-land is very green.

Is that true? Or is it a made-up "fact" like the moon being made of green cheese?

I don't know about the "cheese" part, but the moon definitely isn't green. It's usually white with some blue. Like, to coin a word, "white-blue."

1404. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:04:39 PM

Maybe it's made up of white-blue cheese. Roquefort, for example

They make that in France. France makes a lot of cheeses. And wines, apparently.

1407. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:06:02 PM

Interesting. Some of my complete sentence posts are deleted. While others aren't.

Such an oversight can be readily corrected. Like so.

1408. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:06:39 PM

Yeah,it's pretty green, except the streets and buildings and things which tend to be grey or brown. It's pretty damp also.

white-blue, that is soo moon colored. Maybe the moon is like made of like white-blue cheese, like Rockfort. They make that in France, which is near Paris. I think.

1409. Laura C - 4/5/2001 5:07:13 PM

Does anybody else have any anecdotes about travel as thrilling as Rosie's?

We thought about going to Ireland this year. When I told my mother this, she tried to talk me out of it. She said "Don't go to Ireland. Go to Spain. Ireland doesn't have any history and all of it's bad."

1410. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:07:56 PM

Ahhhhh, Paris. "The Eternal City."

I'll never forget Paris. I had the best Italian food there.

1411. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:08:43 PM

I left a couple of Stoner's posts because they provided good fodder for IJ and CD.

1412. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:09:17 PM

Spain. I've been meaning to go "South of the Border" for some time now. I understand they make excellent tacos.

1414. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:10:03 PM

FU would probably know about that. He's a Mexican-American, or "Taco-Bending American," as they prefer to be called.

1415. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 5:10:46 PM

Don't go to Rome, either. Nothing but ruins there.

1417. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:11:35 PM

I went to Cancun in Spain! Had these fish tacos, but they were really messy, I tried to take a bite and squirted all this fish juice stuff all over some Barbies blouse.

Nice nipple action though.

1418. Laura C - 4/5/2001 5:12:41 PM

Cancun isn't in Spain, silly. It's an island off the coast.

1419. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:12:52 PM

Igor! You Rock!

Sombody tell Stoner that 2000 was last year.

1420. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:12:53 PM

Ahhhh, Rome. The City of Broad Shoulders.

Yes, I understand it's quite a mess. Everythings always under construction. You'd think they'd pick up the place a bit when they have visitors.

Rome is a city with a fascinating history. Apparently when the Romans conquered the city, they renamed "Rome," in honor of their homeland, which was called "Greece."

1425. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:15:07 PM

This summer I'm going to Austia.

Put another shrimp on the barbie, Mate!

I'm practicing "the lingo," as it were. So I won't seem like a "tourist."

1427. Indiana Jones - 4/5/2001 5:15:32 PM

Okay...since that one worked, one more. Then I'm off to...Vienna.

For some smorgasbord.

1429. Stumbo - 4/5/2001 5:17:02 PM

... and then to Morocco, to visit Prince Rainier.

1430. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:17:45 PM

I went to Austria last year! It was a lot colder and had bigger mountains than what they show in Crocodile Dundee, plus to my surprise the place was overrun with German tourists or something. The beer was good though.

1431. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:18:11 PM

. Then I'm off to...Vienna.

Ahhh, Vienna. "The Magic Kingdom."

1432. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:18:36 PM

Oooh, Igor, pick me up some of them sausages while you're there!

1433. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:18:50 PM

vK,

Did you try "Foster's"? Apparently that's the national drink of Austria.

1434. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:19:12 PM

Stumb - I'm pretty sure Rainier is in Washington state.

1435. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:20:04 PM

No man it was weird all they had was this German stuff, like Heinekin and shit.

1436. Stumbo - 4/5/2001 5:20:07 PM

vK: no, that's a replica.

1437. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:20:51 PM

No shit? A replica, man you learn stuff online every day.

1439. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:21:13 PM

Oh-- that reminds me of a joke. I forget the punchline, but the set up is someting like "I've got Prince Rainier in a can."

Then I think you're supposed to say something about black people.

Anyway, it's a really good joke.

I heard it when I visited the Old Country. I'm not sure which one, but I seem to remember people wearing funny leather pants and caps, just like they do in Austria when they're "Crocodile Hunting."

1441. Laura C - 4/5/2001 5:21:58 PM

Heinekin wrote some great novels.

1442. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:23:12 PM

Hey Ace, since you changed the name of the thread I assume you have a new theme in mind. Care to be more descriptive than merely Buffoonish Jackassery?

1444. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:24:19 PM

Oh Yeah, didn't he right For Whom the Toll Bells or something?

1445. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:24:34 PM

Read the discription on the front page.

We can switch back to your name later.

Sorry, but I deleted your thread-description without saving. I didn't realize how longish it was.

1446. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:25:13 PM

vK,

No, that was Heidigger.

1448. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:26:30 PM

But I'll be leaving in 30 minutes. Do you think we can get to 2000 by then?

I don't know. How many more pointless, stupid, trite posts do you have in you?

1449. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:26:48 PM

Not a problem Ace, it's not like anyone read it anyway.

1451. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:27:49 PM

I don't know. How many more pointless, stupid, trite posts do you have in you?

Now that was a seriously stupid question.

1453. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:28:32 PM

At least leave my posts up long enough so I can read them myself.

But only just long enough.

poof.

1455. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:29:32 PM

It's like fucking magic.

How many people in the Mote have just wanted to delete every annoying letter Rosie typed?

What a country.

1456. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:29:55 PM

Tell me. Are there a lot of keystrokes to delete a post?

You tell me.

Poof.

1458. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:31:32 PM

By the way, Rosie, if you snag a millenial, it will be deleted, and I will create a post in its place (with the millenial post number) under someone else's name.


Bippety-boppety-POOF!

1467. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:35:01 PM

"Oops. Another mistake. Sorry"

Easily mended.

Poof.

1468. JudithAtHome - 4/5/2001 5:35:01 PM

This place is so aptly named, especially when Rosies name is on the front page as last poster.

1469. seadate - 4/5/2001 5:35:20 PM

LOL! .... I just read the new thread description.

1471. seadate - 4/5/2001 5:36:03 PM

Not the last poster for long, Judith.

1473. seadate - 4/5/2001 5:37:15 PM

poof!

1474. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:37:31 PM

Poof.

That one was gone before I even read it.

1477. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:38:35 PM

Shit Ace, are you stopping to read them?

1478. JudithAtHome - 4/5/2001 5:38:39 PM

Jeez, ya gotta be quick...unlike Rose.

1480. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:39:14 PM

What did you say, Rosetta? I didn't quite catch that. It was gone so fast.


vK:

No, I am not. NO DEAD WEIGHT in this thread.

1482. JudithAtHome - 4/5/2001 5:39:36 PM

Rosie, your family won't let you stay on the computer that long....

1486. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:42:34 PM

vK,

A little hint:

After you delete, go immediately to the deletion screen again and type in the first two numbers of the post to be deleted.

Makes it so much faster.

1488. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 5:42:54 PM

Damn. Damn! DAMN!

And just as I finished my Blarney Stone Tale!


May I post it here? Purty please oh please? Judith has been waiting nearly three months for this.

1489. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:43:36 PM

Thanks Ace, good call.

1490. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:44:09 PM

Post away. The game is still on. It's just paused at the moment.

1492. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:44:29 PM

Cos - Please do, we will get back to our regularly scheduled program in a bit.

1493. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:44:50 PM

Be careful. I think you just may have deleted a Judith post


The risks of friendly fire.

1495. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 5:46:49 PM

poof.

1499. JudithAtHome - 4/5/2001 5:48:25 PM

That's okay...it's all ephemera in the wind, anyhow, to paraphrase someone.

1502. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 5:49:13 PM

Dog Park

So I'm at the Dog Park on a Saturday morning. I'm sitting down at the far end on a stone bench talking with a couple of women that I know when one of them says "Oh my god would you look at that!"

I look up and what do I see but a half-naked guy in leather pants leading his three human pets into the part on leashes: Yes, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead in micro-minis and stiletto heels with rhinestone collars and too much make-up. This little entourage proceeds to take the grand tour of the park strutting around the perimeter past gape-mouthed dog owners and their oblivious canine companions.

While my friends are discussing the difficulties of scraping dog shit off Fuck-Me-Pumps with six-inch heels I notice that there are more oddities entering the park. What I at first believe to be a transvestite with two Boy-Dogs turns out to be only a muscular woman with an ungraceful walk and two Boy-Dogs. (How did I first suspect she wasn't a transvestite? Her wig. No self-respecting drag queen would be caught dead in a wig as bad as hers)

At any rate her "dogs" are apparently better trained than the others are because she allows them off leash. They heel, they sit, they beg and they fetch a Frisbee.well, they attempt to fetch a Frisbee. Unfortunately the real dogs are about fifty times faster at fetching Frisbees and our hapless Boys must return to their Mistress empty handed to receive a vicious tongue lashing.

cont.

1503. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 5:49:27 PM

Dog Park cont.


"What's the matter with you? Don't let those other dogs show you up! Go and get your Frisbee back you pussies!" She punctuates her commands with a small rubber flail and off they go to try and retrieve the Frisbee. One of them gets distracted and pees on a garbage can conveniently placed for park visitors to deposit puppy-bombs in then he wanders off to try and hump another human pet that's arrived. She's a shy little thing in lavender and her Mistress has to haul off the offending Boy and send him to chase a stick.

As my friends and I are caught up watching these antics we don't notice that the other Boy-dog has sauntered over to us until he sits down on the arm of the bench right next to me. I must say in all honesty that I had an excellent view of rippling stomach muscles turned golden brown by the California sun. This Boy was no dog by any stretch of the imagination. He proceeds to chat us up obviously trying to make us a bit uncomfortable as he relates the particulars of this little fetish group he belongs to. His mistress observes from about 15 feet away.

Tired of him looming over me and trying to intimidate the "regulars" I decide to test his resolve. I catch the eye of his Mistress and ask "Can I give your doggie a treat?"

She gets a gleam in her eye and with a wicked grin says "Why, yes. Of course you can."

Boy-dog looks frantically over his shoulder at her no doubt recognizing the tone of voice. I reach into my pocket and pull out a green Milk-bone dog biscuit. "Here you go, Sweetie!"


He stopped for a very long drink at the fountain on his way out of the park.

1505. JudithAtHome - 4/5/2001 5:52:35 PM

Excellent, MsNO...I felt as though I were there! Have you been back recently?

1506. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 5:54:08 PM

Judith,

I go every Saturday and about every other Sunday, but I haven't seen our Fetish Friends again.

1507. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 5:58:41 PM

Nice Cos, good piece of writing

So now we are waiting for Jen's submission.






Somebody pick up this straight line will you please?

1510. ScottLoar - 4/5/2001 6:00:58 PM

Ms. No, delete your e-mail address from the listing for you will soon be deluged with enquiries.

1511. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 6:01:07 PM

Cos,

Nice one.

1513. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:02:07 PM

There's a pair of new sherrifs in Town.

No dead weight.

No Rosetta Stone.

1516. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 6:08:15 PM

Welp, it's gettin' mighty late here, guess it's time fer this sherrif tuh mosey on off to bed.

Close up the salon when yur done there Ace, ok?

1517. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 6:09:11 PM

Ace & VK


Much as I love you guys it's out of bounds to continually delete/move the posts of a particular poster unless they are in clear violation of the RoE or the tone of the thread. Lay off of Rosie.

1518. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 6:10:49 PM

Cos - Nope, no can do. This is a Rose free thread. Read the thread parameters, we are clearly within the defined parameters for this thread.

1519. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 6:13:27 PM

Funny as it is the thread parameters are in direct violation of the RoE, time to go re-write them guys.

1520. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:13:45 PM

Now with 20% more Rosie-Free Content TM.

1521. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:15:04 PM

Fine.

We will no longer automatically delete Rosie's posts.

However, the deletions today were due to spamming.

If he spams as usual, he will be deleted. Fair enough?

1522. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 6:16:13 PM

Ace,

That's fine. Deleting for spam and abuse is well within a hosts powers. It's the automatic deletion that needs to stop.

Thanks for the laugh AND your cooperation.

1523. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 6:16:45 PM

Cos - Rose is banned from this thread, clear enough. There ought to be such a place, sort of a no-smoking area.

1524. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:17:47 PM

Hey-- wait.

That's true. We were always told if someone spammed, we could "ban" that particular post.

Rosie spammed. Further, he was warned, not once but three or four times.

1525. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:18:52 PM

What happened to the notion that you could effect a single-thread per se ban against a persistant spammer and nuisance?

1526. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 6:19:14 PM

Cos - I fail to see how Ace and I are in any way in violation of the RoE:

The definition of "needless" and "abusive" are left to the thread host, whose word is final. Any posts that are deemed abusive will be deleted. Understand that standards are set by the host.

1527. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:20:10 PM

We deleted about one hundred of Rosie's posts today.

I can assure you they were not works of art. Many had only one word.

When we deleted those, he began posting two-word posts.

Then three-word posts.

I say vK's right-- he is banned from the thread. He violated. Not once but one hundred times.

1528. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 6:21:38 PM

CO...

Get out...get out NOW.

1529. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:24:01 PM

heh heh... I'd love to see MsNo try getting a consensus on a rule change that Rosie's post MUST be allowed...

Ha, ha. "Do I have a second?"

(crickets)

"I say, do I have a second?"

(the sound of people looking at their watches)

"Hello? Is this mike on?"

1530. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 6:25:31 PM

Oh man, I laughed so hard I woke up the people in the next room!

1531. vonKreedon - 4/5/2001 6:27:22 PM

Now I really have to go to bed.

Spam ya' later!

1532. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:27:48 PM

A ROSETTA-FREE ZONE.

1533. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 6:28:51 PM

The FOUR FREEDOMS:

Freedom from WANT.

Freedom from DESPAIR.

Freedom from FEAR.

Freedom from ROSETTA FUCKING STONE.

1534. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 6:50:13 PM

I was thinking more along the lines of:

#2 Threats
If it is a serious threat, you will be banned. Definition of "serious" is left up to the Mote administrators.


Although it's more than a threat when you actually do spontaneously move or delete a posters comments.

If you guys say he was spamming I'll have to take your word for it since the posts are now gone. As you said, I doubt anyone else is going to come forward and say that whatever Rosie was posting was vital or on topic since so often he's just hysterical (and I don't mean in the funny sense).


As for the banning of posters from particular threads that's something that needs to be addressed in the Policy thread. I don't know that it's feasible and in the end it will be up to Alistair to decide if he wants to write the code for it.

The only reason I brought this up is because I wanted to make sure that there was an actual violation being punished not just fun and games that got out of hand.

1535. Tintin - 4/5/2001 6:52:42 PM

I was reading it. It didn't look like spam to me.

1536. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:00:10 PM

Please.

MsNo, go to 1275 et seq. You can't see his posts, but you can see the immediate, simultaneous reaction of both vK and I. We didn't correspond to come to the conclusion it was spam; we just both came to that conclusion.

vK deleted the posts about ten seconds before I would have independently. Rosie was posting Dr Coltrane style Q&A crap; you know the hard on he has for Coltrane's thread.

The subsequent fifty of his posts were "Oh why was that deleted" and "I demand you return that immediately," sometimes written six or seven times in a row.

Then he began posting one word per post, like so


Why




did



you



delete


my


post



And then when I told him to stop with the one word posts, he started the old


How about





Two word


Posts, are



they okay?



And then, of course, the three word posts, which I'm sure you are capable of imagining without the need for further example.

Interspersed through this bullshit was the typical shit-stirring of "You can't delete ALL my posts" and "I bet I can post faster than you can delete."

Fuck 'm.

At 1275 et seq. I told him to fight if he liked, or to post something interesting, but to stop spamming.

He's gone.

1537. Ms. No - 4/5/2001 7:02:34 PM

Ace,

Been there and looked at it and have to agree with you guys. It's just not what it looked like when I first came in. Mea Culpa.

1538. seadate - 4/5/2001 7:03:09 PM

Ace, for the record: due to said posters articulatory limitations, I made the three word posts and requested their deletion.

1539. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:03:20 PM

At most, I could agree to unban him to see what he will do.

What do you THINK he will do?

He will begin spamming immediately.

He will keep asking why his posts were deleted in the first place.

He will keep insisting that we "return his posts on lipstick removal."

Etc.

I suppose, if vK agrees, we could give him one last chance, but there hardly seems to be any point.

Everyone here, including Rosetta himself, knows precisely what he will do.

1540. Tintin - 4/5/2001 7:03:54 PM

I was reading it. It didn't look like spam to me.

1541. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:03:55 PM

seadate,

Rosie did three word posts as well.

1542. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:05:45 PM

Tintin,

You are almost certainly Rosie. if you're NOT Rosie, then you were not around today and did not read the posts, so your opinion doesn't count for much.


Oh, oh, wait-- No, I know. You're a "newbie" and you've been lurking all day. For some crazy reason you decided to read the Buffoonish Jackassery thread to monitor its compelling game of spam-and-deletion.

Do I have that right, sweetheart?

1543. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:07:00 PM

Tintin,

Tell me, what was the most interesting post deleted?

1544. seadate - 4/5/2001 7:08:34 PM

Beat me to it, Ace.

1545. Tintin - 4/5/2001 7:09:36 PM

I was reading the thread because he was talking about problems getting lipstick off of teeth. Then they were gone. And you called him a cocksucker. And the fight started.

1546. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:10:29 PM

Tintin go bye-bye now.

1547. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:12:52 PM

N O T I C E

Discussion about deletions is hereby OFF TOPIC and OFF LIMITS for this Thread.

Further such discussion can be had in the Inferno.

No further posts, by anyone, including myself, vK, MsNo, Seadate, or our "new friend" TinTin, will be tolerated here. Please post all subsequent discussion in the Inferno.

Initial penalty for violations will be deletion of the post in question. Penalty for continuing violations will be banning.



Thank you for cooperating.

1548. Tintin - 4/5/2001 7:20:15 PM

Please take my post out of the Inferno. I didn't agree to let you move it there.

You asked me a question. I answered.

1549. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:22:44 PM

I did not move your post there. I copied and pasted it there. I do not have the power to remove it from the Inferno.

1550. Tintin - 4/5/2001 7:23:50 PM

Why did you do that? I didn't agree to let you move my post to another thread.

Remove it.

1551. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 7:23:53 PM

Well this!

1552. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:25:41 PM

I do not have the power to remove it. Only wabbit can remove it.

I suggest you direct your complaint to her.

Since this is therefore a pointless conversation, I suggest we end it or take it to the Inferno.


Thank you for cooperating.

1553. Tintin - 4/5/2001 7:26:27 PM

labwabbit: Be careful. That is a two word post and may be deleted, or moved to something called the Inferno without your permission.

Who runs this ship?

1554. Tintin - 4/5/2001 7:27:33 PM

How can you move my posts to other threads without my permission? You fix it.

1555. MsIvoryTower - 4/5/2001 7:32:01 PM

Hahahahaha

Oh lordy lordy lordy

This thread gave me a much needed boost today.

Thanks so much you...you...

MEN!

And I love the reincarnation TinTin calling for a reason for any action taken against him when I just recently spent a whole day debating the merits of such a policy only to have it shot down in glorious living color....

I stand corrected for my misdirected efforts.

1556. AceofSpades - 4/5/2001 7:58:27 PM

Tintin:

YOu have been cut slack on the off-chance that you are not Rosie, who, of course, you actually are.

You have violated my request that no further policy-bullshit be discussed here.

Your next violation constitutes grounds for removal & banning.

Thank you for cooperating. have a nice day.

1557. Tintin - 4/5/2001 8:02:02 PM

Please, second t should be in lower case. It is a small point but important.

I don't know exactly what you are talking about, Ms Ivorytower, but I do know that the people running this shop deleted a lot of posts today.

And most of them weren't spam. From what I could tell there were two perps who did it. The poster was trying to get his thoughts out and they erased most of them before I could read them. They seemed to enjoy doing it. What type of discussion group is this?

But that's not my problem.

I don't like the idea that my thoughts can be moved from thread to thread without my permission. I was asked a question and when I answered it, I was told to go "bye-bye."

And my post was moved somewhere else without asking.

I want it removed and if AceofSpades can move it there, he can move it out.

1558. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 8:03:15 PM

No further posts, by anyone, including myself, vK, MsNo, Seadate, or our "new friend" TinTin, will be tolerated here. Please post all subsequent discussion in the Inferno.

Initial penalty for violations will be deletion of the post in question. Penalty for continuing violations will be banning.

#1556

1559. Tintin - 4/5/2001 8:04:55 PM

Now AceofSpades says he's going to ban me. For what?

And you better not delete these posts. You asked me the question. I'm answering it.

1560. Cellar Door - 4/5/2001 8:16:30 PM

Here you go, guys. Somebody was talking about her earlier today.

1561. labwabbit - 4/5/2001 8:17:25 PM

#1556 = acceptable = buffoonery/jackassery.

My error and subsequent apology.

1565. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 9:04:08 PM

I thought that Tintin was Sakonige.

1566. Jenerator - 4/5/2001 9:07:09 PM

[VonK, I apologize for not submitting a story earlier, today has been especially weird at work.]

1568. Jenera